TALK LIKE ARNOLD

As I said before, the main goal of this book is to hang out and interact with your kids and still have time to live your own life. Parenting should be fun most of the time and if it’s fun for you it’s probably going fun for junior too. Some of the best ways to do that are through activities that save time and this is the ultimate time saver in that regard, because you don’t have to stop what you’re doing and create an extra activity to get good quality time in with your kid that day. You just do whatever you are already doing with your kid (even if it’s nothing at all) and talk like Arnold Schwarzennegger .(my spell check is going crazy on that word.) the whole time!

Since we know we don’t always have time to play or hang out you can take the time when you’re both just hanging around the house and spice it up to have a really good time and connect with your kids! Kids love this so much you can even get them to do their chores with a smile on their face by talking in that voice. Plus it also works on the phone if you have to be out of town. Let’s just say you’re sitting on the couch doing nothing and they walk by you, stick you foot out in front of them and say,”LOOKOUT! STOP STEPPING ON MY FEEEEEET! I CHUST FINISHED PAINTING MY TOEENALS!

There ya go. Instant quality time with your kids. It works with everything. You can even get them to go get stuff for you. If you’re sitting there watching the game, shout out, KIDS! DAH IS AN EMERGENCY! YOOA FADDUH IS OUT OF BEEYAHH! I NEED A FROSTY BREW! QUICKLEEE! TO DEE FRIDGULATOA! GO NOWWWWW! They will laugh their little heads off, you’ll connect with your kids, and you’ll get a beer out of the deal. If you’ll notice, of both of the things I just showed you , not once did you have to get off the couch. Yeah! Now, you might be saying,” but Rich, I don’t know how to do an impression of Arnold.” and to that I say,

DAT ISS BUELSHEEET!! All guys are internally programmed to do Arnold. It’s in your genetic make up. Maybe you just haven’t ever tried yet. Maybe your Arnold isn’t that sharp. That’s OK, just practice and you’ll improve. Practice at the drive through window (fast food or bank). Practice by asking people directions. Practice by yelling at the refs at your kids ball games. Practice on telemarketers! Don’t be afraid to try. Just remember that your worst Arnold is better than his best English, and he’s the Governor of KALEEFONEAAA!!! Just keep practicing up, and don’t forget, practicing with your kids is half the fun. grab ‘em up and rent some Arnold movies, get some popcorn and don’t talk with your mouth full.

If I were you, I would start with his most recent movies and work your way back, because his English has actually improved a little over the years. Trust me on this one. If you don’t speak Arnold and start with Conan the Barbarian, you’ll be completely lost. They could have called that movie NOUN HUNTER and nobody would have known the difference. It’s a good thing he was swinging a sword instead of a dictionary in that movie or somebody could have really gotten hurt. His first big movie was called Pumping Iron and Wow! I wouldn’t attempt that movie if I were an English teacher in Berlin.

So try talking like Arnold. I promise there is not one kid, any age that won’t respond to it .

Except Austrian kids. You have to explain it to them a bit. But if they don’t get it, do Gilbert Gottfried. If they don’t get that, hang up the language thing and get a whoopie cushion. I firmly believe that every home should have love, laughter, hot food and at least one whoopie cushion. So there ya go. Better communication with your kids through horrible diction. Only in America folks. Man, I love this country.

So now, go talk to your kids like an unintelligable Bavarian. GO NOWWWW!! YOU HAVE THE POWAH!!!FIND YOORA LITTLE RUCKRATS AND CONVERSATE TO DEM!! AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!

Also, don’t forget that there are a million other voices you can do.